Messaging is a critical part of online dating, as it’s often the first real interaction you’ll have with a potential match. Your approach to messaging can make or break the possibility of forming a connection, so it’s important to get it right.
Here’s a guide to the do’s and don’ts of messaging on dating apps to help you navigate these conversations successfully.
The Do’s of Messaging on Dating Apps
- Be Polite and Respectful
Politeness goes a long way in creating a positive first impression. Start with a friendly greeting, and if you’re responding to someone, acknowledge what they’ve said. Basic manners set the tone for the conversation and show that you’re serious about getting to know the other person. - Personalize Your Messages
Avoid generic messages like “Hey” or “What’s up?” Instead, reference something specific from their profile that caught your attention. Whether it’s a shared interest, a recent trip they mentioned, or a particular photo, personalizing your message demonstrates that you’ve taken the time to read their profile and are genuinely interested in them. - Ask Open-Ended Questions
Open-ended questions encourage more detailed responses and keep the conversation flowing. Instead of asking yes/no questions, try something like, “What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend?” or “How did you get into [hobby mentioned in their profile]?” This invites the other person to share more about themselves and keeps the dialogue engaging. - Keep It Light and Positive
Early conversations should be light-hearted and fun. Avoid heavy or controversial topics, and instead, focus on finding common ground and building rapport. Positive energy is contagious, and keeping the mood upbeat can make your conversations more enjoyable for both parties. - Use Proper Grammar and Spelling
While you don’t need to be overly formal, using proper grammar and spelling is important. It shows that you care about how you present yourself and makes your messages easier to read. If you’re unsure about a word or phrase, a quick spell check can go a long way. - Respond Promptly, But Don’t Rush
Responding in a timely manner shows interest, but there’s no need to rush. Take the time to craft thoughtful responses, and if you’re busy, it’s okay to let the other person know you’ll reply later. Just be sure to follow up when you can.
The Don’ts of Messaging on Dating Apps
- Don’t Be Too Forward
While it’s important to express interest, being overly forward or suggestive too early can be off-putting. Keep your messages appropriate and avoid making the other person uncomfortable. Remember, the goal is to build a connection, not to rush things. - Avoid Overusing Compliments
Compliments can be a nice way to break the ice, but overdoing it can come across as insincere or even desperate. Instead of focusing solely on appearance, try complimenting something unique about their profile or a shared interest. - Don’t Dominate the Conversation
A conversation is a two-way street, so be mindful of how much you’re talking versus listening. If you find yourself sending multiple messages in a row without a response, take a step back. Give the other person space to share and ask questions as well. - Avoid One-Word Responses
One-word responses like “Cool” or “Okay” can quickly kill a conversation. They don’t add anything to the discussion and can make it difficult for the other person to know how to respond. Even if the topic isn’t your favorite, try to add something of value to keep the conversation going. - Don’t Bring Up Exes
Talking about past relationships too soon is a major turn-off. It can make you seem hung up on the past and might make the other person feel uncomfortable. Focus on the present and the future instead of rehashing old memories. - Avoid Ghosting
If you’re not interested in continuing the conversation, it’s better to politely let the person know rather than disappearing without explanation. Ghosting can be hurtful and leaves the other person with unanswered questions. A simple, respectful message can go a long way in maintaining good dating etiquette.
Final Thoughts
Messaging on dating apps is an art that requires a balance of showing interest while being respectful and considerate. By following these do’s and don’ts, you can create engaging and meaningful conversations that have the potential to lead to real connections. Remember, the key is to be authentic, patient, and positive as you navigate the world of online dating.